We’re nearly three weeks post-New Year’s resolution time. How many of you are still hanging in there?

Statistics show that about a third of us will throw in the towel by the end of the month, and 80-90% of us will fail overall.

Which is why I don’t believe in the magic of January 1st. I’m all for goal setting and self-improvement, but I believe waiting for some arbitrary date to make a change is just plain silly. And frankly, I think it just encourages the excessive eating, spending, and drinking we do over the holiday season. “It’s ok,” we say with aching bellies, grabbing five more cookies from the tin, “I’m making a resolution in the New Year to get healthy.”

On January 1st, we begin like martyrs. Eating like rabbits, yet still guilty for the previous month of indulgences.

And then we get hungry.

When you make a strict resolution, every deviation, every pastry, every cigarette, every missed trip to the gym becomes a failure, and when the “failure” label creeps into our self-identity, the most natural thing is to give up.

So what do you do when you slip? How do you pick yourself up after falling into an abyss of chocolate, peanut butter, and ice cream?

The easy answer? Just start again. It’s really that simple. The best way to achieve a goal is simply to keep trying. But if that’s too simple, here are my top three tips to help you reduce your risk of slippage, and how to pull yourself up when you fall.

1) Forgive Yourself Every Time & Start Fresh Every Bite.

Know the difference between discipline and commitment. Discipline is hard and unforgiving; it is the driver behind fad diets. Commitment is loving and understanding; it is what steers long-term positive change. Commit to your health, but have compassion for yourself. Accept that there is a natural ebb and flow to emotions, appetite, and life that affects the way we eat.  If you eat a french fry (or 16), not all is lost. You can always put down the fork, and start over. Every day, every meal, every bite is fresh and doesn’t have to be tainted with the guilt of a previous indulgence. One of the most common scenarios I hear about in my office are cyclic episodes of overeating and restricting.  We eat too much, feel guilty, then eat like a mouse for a few days to “make up for it”. When we eventually crave non-mouse food, we binge again. This cycle of crime and compensation is endless unless we stop one of them, because one always leads to the other. Forgiving ourselves after a binge can be scary because it requires trust and blocks our usual coping response (calorie restriction), but I believe it’s the most important step to ending this exhausting cycle.

2) Don’t Hide; Seek A Confidante.

Many compulsive eaters are ashamed of their eating habits. They eat when every one else has gone to bed, or behind closed doors. When I was dealing with an eating disorder, I kept it a secret for years, despite having a wonderful family and amazing friends. I felt so disappointed with myself that I didn’t want to let anyone see what I thought was such a horrendous flaw. One of the best decisions I ever made was to tell people. I started with a counselour, then group therapy (sometimes it’s easier to admit your struggles to strangers than to tell your loved ones). Then I told one friend. I felt mortified every time I told someone, but I was always surprised at people’s reactions. Where I expected others to respond with disgust and judgment, I found kindness and support. Use your judgment on who is safe to tell (not everyone fits that bill), but if you have someone if your life that you can call a true friend, tell them. And don’t hide. Eat in plain view, enjoy your food, and leave shame out of eating.

3) Eat With Emotion, Don’t Eat Your Emotions.

Food is pleasurable. There is no denying the link between food and emotions. Some of us eat when we’re stressed, some of us eat to celebrate. It’s perfectly normal for emotions to be a part of your meal. However, many of us use food to cope with feelings that overwhelm us. Addiction to food is no different from addictions to alcohol, shopping, exercise, sex, or gambling. In all cases, we have stopped paying attention to what is going on inside, and in order to avoid diving into sometimes painful emotions, we distract ourselves with external attractions. Pay attention. What is food stopping you from paying attention to? Sometimes we eat because if we don’t, we’re afraid we will cry, go crazy, get bored, feel angry, or take responsibility for something we’ve been avoiding. Do any of these apply to you? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t distract yourself with food? Eating is something to be grateful for, something to pay attention to. Healthy eating is not done in front of the TV, standing in front of the fridge, or while driving. The next time you catch yourself mindlessly eating, bring your attention back to your food, and enjoy it. If it’s not enjoyable, ask yourself why, and give yourself space to process your emotions.

To anyone striving to repair a broken relationship with food: Keep trying. Let life be delicious

Take care,

Alex